Tag Archives: life

To Assume or Not To Assume

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I don’t know if I’m the only one who feels this way, but I don’t like to assume what a person’s intentions are. I usually prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt before I make a call on what they’re going to say or do. Call me naïve, but I believe that a male and a female can be just friends. They can talk and hang out without ulterior motives. If a guy approaches me and has a conversation with me, we might realize that we share some interests and enjoy having conversations with each other, so we might exchange numbers.

It’s true that there’s a stigma that a random stranger who asks for your number isn’t trying to be just your friend, but it’s possible. Of course, there are signs that suggest otherwise like if the guy continuously compliments your physical beauty or if he has a hard time keeping his hands to himself, but, until he states his intentions (or makes it overtly clear), I don’t think it’s fair to assume that a male’s purpose for getting your number is indecent.

Some time ago, I was out with some friends and I met two guys. One had just recently moved to Maryland and was trying to meet people in the area. The other was a friend of a friend. I had long conversations with both guys that night, they both had conversations with my other friends who were there, and we all shared some laughs. It was a good time, so, by the end of the night, we all exchanged numbers and agreed to hang out some time. Throughout the next couple of weeks, I was in steady contact with both of these guys where I got to know them better with my friends and I getting some invites to hang out. Again, I thought we were just expanding our network of friends, but, apparently, one of the guys had other intentions.

The friend of a friend expressed his interest in me and, when I told him a romantic relationship couldn’t happen between us, he responded with “it’s all good” and that was the end of our friendship. It seemed amicable. It seemed like there were no hard feelings. Flash forward about half a year and by chance, myself and a piece of that same group of friends run into the friend of a friend during a night out. Just my luck!

At first, he ignored me, which wasn’t too surprising, but then he proceeded to talk about the past. Awkward and uncomfortable are understatements as to how that situation felt. Not only was he about three inches away from my face to the point where I had to use my arm as a barrier, but he kept switching his attitude in the conversation. He went from questioning my morals to respecting how nice I was when handling the situation to asking for my number all over again (which he failed in getting). On top of invading my personal space and bringing up a tense topic of conversation, I was left confused as to if he was mad at me or still in like with me.

Needless to say, he wasn’t too pleased when I told him I only wanted to be friends with him, which is exactly what I don’t understand. If you claim to respect someone care for someone, and be mature, then why is being just friends with a person so insulting and blasphemous? Why can’t you respect that person’s current relationship and their feelings in general enough to not harass them about it? I understand that the friend of a friend’s feelings were hurt because, let’s face it, nobody likes it when their crush doesn’t feel the same way, but I tried my best to be nice and honest about everything.

Although he claimed to respect my feelings and decision, it still wasn’t good enough. Should I have just written him off from the get go? Should I have not allowed him the chance to be my friend only because he was a male I had never met before? Would that have been better? I don’t think so. I don’t think it’s fair to just assume anything about anybody.

Sure, my assumption of the friend of a friend would have been right, but, at the same time, I met the other guy in the same way on the same night, yet somehow we’ve beaten the stereotypes and are still friends… just friends. So, even though that was one of the most uncomfortable situations I’ve experienced in a while, I’m not going to start assuming things about people because sometimes you’re right and sometimes you’re wrong. In my opinion, it’s better to give people a chance before assuming they don’t deserve one.

Another Year…

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As I sit here on the morning of my 22nd birthday, I can’t help but think about all of the things I have experienced thus far. I have gone through plenty of hardships and difficult times that most people will never even fathom. They’d be shocked, if they ever learn about the things I’ve had to overcome, but I would rather have them not know. I feel like those experiences were life lessons soley carved out for my life as my foundation.

I recognize that there are others who have it worst than I do. That’s probably the root of my positive thinking. I’ll never complain about what I’ve gone through, nor will I ever try to tell the world about those things as a way to victimize myself. On the contrary, I am thoroughly grateful for each moment I have lived because, without those moments, as cliche as it is, I would not be the person I am today. I may have never have found my strength, ambition, compassion, and independence and that would have been much more tragic than anything I’ve lived through.

By living through the first 22 years of my life. I’ve learned to grow into who I am today. I’ve built a sturdy foundation for myself and Have placed myself in the position to gain opportunity. I am currently at the best place I have ever been in my life, spiritually, socially, personally, and in any other way you can imagine. I am happy and I am confident in my potential and with my place in the world. What better way to bring in another year? But the best part is that, although I’m happy with where I am, I know that this is not the best I’ll be. I know there are greater things to come that the first 22 years of my life have prepared me for. Right now, I’m living in the moment, enjoying my time, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited to see what another year has in store for me.

What Comes First?

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Raise your hand if you have a job. Raise your other hand if you go to school. Stand up if you have friends. Take a step forward if you’re in a relationship. Step to the left if you have a family. Take a step back if you have bills you need to pay. Step forward again if you have a hobby. Step back again if you need a break. Did you get all of that? Are you tired? Are you confused? Well, that’s life. Life is full of so many different components that require your attention that it’s mentally exhausting and it’s hard trying to keep track of everything. So what do you do? You figure out what comes first and cut out all of the bullsh!t. If you don’t need it, why keep it?

First, you need to evaluate your priorities. What should come first? It could be school, work, or even just finding time to yourself, but you need to identify your priority and why it’s your priority. For example, for a long time, my priority was to do well in school and to graduate as soon as possible. I knew I wanted to have a strong career and that getting an education was the first step. Your priority could be to get a job in order to gain experience for a better job, to buy a car, or own a home. Your priority could also be to relax because you don’t want to have a mental breakdown that keeps you from doing anything at all. The point is that you need to figure out what is most important to you and why. As soon as you figure that out, organize your life to help you focus on your priority. Of course, you don’t want to become a workaholic or a studying hermit, so you want to maintain some balance, but you do have to rearrange some things so that you can achieve your goals. Hence cut out what you don’t need.

When you reflect on your life, where you’ve been, where you are, and where you want to be, it helps put everything into perspective. You realize what really matters and what deserves your energy, so you stop stressing out about the little things and instead pay attention to what is important to you. Sometimes we get lost in the confusion of our lives. There’s so much going on that it’s easy to get overwhelmed and we end up losing ourselves a little. What’s worst is when the lives and priorities of those around us overshadow our own priorities. You start to question your own judgment, while focusing on the negative, so you usually end up shifting your life based off of another person’s opinion. Now, you’re one step further away than you were in the first place. This is why it’s so important to know what you want, so that you can stay focused on what matters. Once you realize what comes first, nothing else matters.

Laugh Loudly & Proudly

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I was casually talking to my mom the other day and she said “last night I heard you and junior laughing.” This was at about 1:30 in the morning and, for someone who wakes up at 4:30 in the morning to go to work, you would expect annoyance to be her natural reaction. This was her initial reaction to our late night boisterous sounds, but then she followed up this feeling with the thought “Oh, but they’re laughing,” bringing an immediate smile to her face. She continued by saying that seeing us happy (or, in this case, hearing us be happy) made her happy, so she ended up not being annoyed or mad at all.

This is the kind of family I was raised in. A family that values joy, happiness, and laughter. A family that loves to enjoy life. A family that loves to laugh and make others laugh with them. It’s no wonder why my siblings and I have such grand and distinct laughs. We’ve spent a lifetime perfecting our laughter by finding the humor in little things, the big things, and really anything.

Honestly, laughter is a beautiful thing. To experience a genuine laugh is amazing and I encourage everyone to do it as often as possible. Expressing your undeniable sincere satisfaction with your present situation is something to be proud of. So laugh as long as you want, as often as you want, and as hard as you want. Laugh loudly. Laugh proudly. Laugh unapologetically… Because that laugh is an expression of your joy and there is no reason why you should feel the need to hide that joy. Don’t be embarrassed. Don’t be ashamed. If anything you should want to share your laugh in order to spread and share your happiness with the world. Use your laugh as a tool to make others happy. Use your laugh as a tool to keep yourself happy. No matter what you’re doing just remember to laugh loudly and proudly.

Progress is Beautiful

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There is so much talk about beauty.  What is it?  What makes us beautiful?  How do you measure it?  The list goes on.  You can analyze it as much as you want, but it’s true when they say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  It is completely subjective and, most times, it doesn’t even have to do with what that beautiful thing looks like.  Instead, it’s more about what feelings are sparked by it.  Love, happiness, warmth, fond memories, and optimism.  Maybe something beautiful reminds you of someone you love or perhaps it brings you hope for a better future.  Either way, beauty is all about what you’re feeling that makes something beautiful.  However, I do believe that one thing that goes hand in hand with beauty is progress, forward movement, evolution.

We all strive for happiness.  We all have goals and getting closer to that end result is simply beautiful.  Think about it.  A girl maturing into a young woman is a sign of her progression in life and it is celebrated as a beautiful time in her life, whether she has a sweet sixteen or even a quinceañero.  A graduation is a beautiful ceremony and it also symbolizes a student finishing their education and moving on to the next step in their lives.  Pregnant women have a beautiful “glow” to them because there is a being growing within them.  In nature, a flower blooming is progress in their existence and to us it is what makes Spring so special.  Sunrises and sunsets show how we go from one day to the next, but the different colors in the sky are considered some of the most beautiful scenes in nature.  Progress is beautiful.

When you’re writing a paper or doing a project for school, don’t you just stare at it once you’re done, admiring your finished work.  It might be just a stack of paper, but it’s beautiful to you because it’s done.  That step is done and you’ve progressed to what’s next.  When you get promoted at your job, you might get a certificate, an award, or even a ceremony.  People take pictures, you smile, and you feel proud.  It’s a beautiful moment.  If you’re trying to get healthy, you feel better when you get closer to your goal.  Reaching your goals, getting closer to what you want, moving forward in life is a good feeling.  Progressing is a good feeling.  It’s beautiful and that’s one thing that is universal.